Dear Diary,

After my vigorous eight-hour day at school full of dreadfully difficult tests and much anticipated droning on from most of my teachers, I went home and got ready for the best part of my day.

First I had to shower all over again to make sure I rid myself of high school stench that I was sure seeped into my skin throughout the day. Whilst in the shower, I shaved, exfoliated and conditioned my hair at least twice.

Once out of the steaming shower, I moisturized my body with my brand new tanning lotion to give my skin that “obvious-but-not-too-obvious” bronze goddess look.

As I let the golden lotion soak into my skin, I applied the appropriate amount of products into my hair to keep it frizz free and luscious, as it should be.

When I was dry, I had to blow dry my hair straight with my hairbrush and then curl it to ensure the best formation of curls across my crown.

Once my hair was styled, my face was next.

I made sure I included the works of all products needed to give myself that flawless “face beat”: moisturizer, primer, concealer, foundation, powder, setting powder, contour, blush, highlight, eyelid primer, eyeshadow, eyebrow filler, liquid eyeliner and mascara.

Of course, the liquid eyeliner was the most difficult and time-consuming part of my routine because my wing had to be just perfect for the company I would be around later. I ended up “re-winging” my eyes four different times to make sure they were flawless.

By this point, my face, hair and skin were all in check; now all I had to do was pick out the best outfit I could find for the occasion and I would be ready to go.

As I shuffled through my dresser drawers, past baggy pants and my middle school T-shirts I finally found my favorite tight, black leggings and a bright pink crop top, which both accentuate all of my best features. Then I grabbed my best Nikes, my Adidas bag, my keys and headed for my destination—Planet Fitness.

This castle, clad in purple with windows from the floor to the ceiling, is the one and only place I go to try to pick up the greatest guys in town. Of course, I don’t actually do anything too physically-exerting, or I might risk breaking a nail.

Upon entering, I saw two handsome college men standing at the front desk waiting to greet me. I say, “hi” back with the sweet, shy grin I’ve been perfecting for years and walk farther into the realm of manhood.

I immediately went over to the stretching area to show off my flexibility and then headed for the free-weight area where I spotted four equally macho men waiting for me to grab their attention.

I walked across the gym floor to the free-weights, and I made sure to keep my posture tall and graceful. I caught eyes following my every movement as I took my stroll.

I stayed there for about 30 minutes switching from 5 -pound bicep curls to a few “girl pushups” to low squats. As I continued my three extremely exhausting exercises, I constantly saw eyes set upon me and then purposely made eye contact before flashing a bashful smile and fluttering my eyelashes.

Like the sirens to Odysseus, by the end of my 30 minutes I successfully entranced three men within the gym, all ranging in age from high school to mid-30s.

I charmed them with small talk, willfully giving them my number when asked, knowing I will probably never reply. And as I left, they all made sure to grab a quick goodbye from me as I walked out the door to my car.

“Sweet,” I thought. “Maybe tomorrow I can meet more.”